How to Survive (and enjoy) RAGBRAI: Part 3

Consider this the third and last installment of my important RAGBRAI rules. I have other things I want to blog about, but feel that I cannot until I finish with RAGBRAI!! Thanks for your patience...these take a long time to upload all the pictures, and I find myself a bit busier now than I was 2 weeks ago, somehow.


These are the LAST rules (according to this Lazy Girl) for how to survive and have fun on RAGBRAI.

1. Eat as much homemade pie as possible.























































2. When you have 102 degree heat index, find some shade. To do so, just follow the hundreds of bikers pulling into people's yards, sleeping under the poor, unsuspecting farmers' trees. Do what you have to to get out of the sun.
1 tree = 40+ bikers















3. Enjoy local attractions. Such as an amazing grotto built by one man. Take time to appreciate everything these small towns want you to appreciate.













4. Eat a good breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. French toast, burritos, pankcakes, whatever strikes your fancy after biking 15 miles.
















5. Drink blue lemonade sold by the Future Farmers of America. It is the best thing you will drink all week. It may be because you are so sick of water. It may be because they are usually set up in the last 20 miles of the day. Or it may be just THAT amazing. Whatever. Drink it. Every day.















6. Eat a church dinner. Oh. My. Gosh. This will be the best thing you eat all week. But get there early. Absorb all the amazing church lady homemade carbs/love you can.














7. Fill up your water bottles wherever you can. Hope that this well water tastes better than the last town's. You never quite know.



















8. Tear up a little coming through Parkersburg, a town that has suffered so much. Know that riding your bike today is helping them recover from the hurt. Take a picture of all of the sculptures made from bikes lost/ruined in the tornado.















9. Stay inside a house. At least once. Find a friend who will take you in. No tent to put up. Ahhh.

10. This rule is breakable. I actually suggest breaking this rule.
Bike through a thunder/lightning storm. Freeze because you only brought 50 cent ponchos. Learn that rain jackets are essential for warmth. Stop at a Moose Lodge for pancakes, hoping the rain will stop. When the rain doesn't stop, keep biking against all better judgment.














11. When rain finally stops, warm up and attempt to dry your shorts on Mr. Pork Chop's giant grill. Chafe the rest of the day due to wet bike shorts. Be angry. About the chafing.

































12. I would also suggest skipping this rule, but for me, apparently, it was an essential part of my RAGBRAI experience.
Break out with various skin conditions throughout the week, culminating with skin rejecting sunscreen. If you're lucky, the sunscreen will not soak into your skin at all. Have a stranger try to apply a tatoo, only to tell you "you're too greasy." Really try for some diaper rash. Be thankful someone had the foresight to bring Desitin. Feel strange applying Desitin to yourself, rather than a baby's butt. Try to get some heat rash, lip blisters, chafing, and a bit of sunburn. Then you're in good shape. (This is not an exaggeration, by the way.)










13. Chill. Often.















14. Powder. Powder is your friend. Moisture is your enemy. However, you may enter into a more complicated, love/hate relationship with powder, as it somehow ends up all over your butt. Like, all over. But no one else has a white butt. Just black shorts. And you know they're using powder. Oh well. I suggest embracing it. Until your loyal RAGBRAI teammates make fun of your powder-butt as you mount your bike in your own unique way. Whatever. They're just jealous. You make that look good.

15. Be scared of Potter's Hill. Arrive at Potter's Hill and be even more scared. Screw it. Get off your bike and walk it like the other 75% of RAGBRAIers. Unless you are Joel. Then you are going kill that hill. Amazing. Know that no matter how many pictures you take as you are catching your breath from walking up the hill, they will not do it justice.




























16. Breathe a sigh of relief when you reach your hometown, the ending point of RAGBRAI. Then realize (since you know this city) you're not even close to the endpoint. Not. even. close.














17. Smile as you spot your fans who came down to cheer you on.












18. Dip your tires in the Mighty Mississippi.















19. Celebrate. Then realize you're not done. You still have to bike 5 more miles to your house. If you are us, that is.










































20. Arrive at home. Smile.














21. RAGBRAI OVER! Sleep. If you are me, you will sleep for 15 hours.




























22. Next week, after some well-deserved rest, think that even though it was really hard, you can't wait to ride RAGBRAI next year! But for now, you don't even want to look at a bicycle.

How to Survive (and enjoy) RAGBRAI: Part 2

As my first post was a play-by-play of just the first day, I do not possess the time or patience to do that for all seven days of RAGBRAI, so from here on out, you can expect a random smattering of memorable experiences and photos. Bear with me!

These are MORE rules (according to this Lazy Girl) for how to survive and have fun on RAGBRAI.


1. Pet a cute dog when it joins you at a rest stop, as he is biking across Iowa, too. Then get really angry when said dog pees all over your bike bag. Right after you just got your camera out to take a picture of him. Learn that it wasn't personal as he walks around peeing on ALL the bike bags on the bikes laying in the grass. Laugh and curse. Appreciate that this will make for a great story later.















2. Watch people enjoying 100 foot homemade Slip & Slides. Think, "That looks fun!" Then think, "Chafing." Be glad your shorts are dry as you continue your 70 mile ride.















3. Find a sturdy bike rack.
























































4. Sign your name to various signs, to declare your love for each small town and their homemade goodness.

































5. Take cheesy pictures in big wooden cutouts wherever you find them. What else are they there for?

































6. Gawk at the guy on the unicycle (there will be one) and wonder how he's doing that. With only a beer in his bottle cage.














7. Feel like crap when guy on unicycle passes you on a hill. Seriously, how is he doing that?














8. Get called virgins. A lot. Make sure someone yells at you at least once. Something like this..."Hey virgins, you both need to raise your seats up at LEAST an inch!" And if you're really special, this person's wife will yell "Raise 'em up," while thrusting her thumb in an upward motion. This should all be yelled as they are passing you very quickly. NOT in a helpful way. That would be wrong. It should be somewhat rude, and they should definitely NOT slow down to give you this advice.

9. You should try to have a nice guy with his wife come along and tell you you're looking good, and tan. This will counter-balance the "raise 'em up" couple.

10. Order a "large taco" for dinner at 10:00 at night. Then realize that THIS is the "large taco." No taco shell. Fried bread. Deliciousness. You probably won't finish it. But it's okay because why would you get the "small taco" when this behemoth exists?















11. Marvel at how amazing and slightly annoying the RAGBRAI morning is, when there are thousands of people are right next to you as you take off for the day. No matter what time you leave. The rest of the day, it will pretty much be your small group next to you. And that's the way you like it. At least if you are slow like us and enjoy every town and all it has to offer.














12. Check out cool, weird bikes you see along the way, such as a shark bike, an elliptical bike, old-time bikes, and a banana bike. They will make you smile when you want to die.















13. Appreciate the locals, as they wonder what the heck is happening to their quaint little town.




























14. Bike with a beer in your hands since your bottle cages are filled with silly water.














15. Eat in a restaurant because sitting and being waited on sounds fantastic. Then realize there is nothing left on the menu except chicken. Also realize the place is a dump. But you won't care because you are sitting in a booth, instead of a curb.

16. Cool off on a hot day with a cold neck wrap given out by the Armed Forces for the price of a donation. Appreciate them even more than they can know.















17. Watch as people swing into a farmer's pond and again, think of the fun and chafing that will surely follow. Go up on a 60' high Genie Lift to take pictures and think that this is enough of a rush for you.




























18. Eat a giant pork chop from Mr. Pork Chop. Even if you don't like pork chops. It will be the best pork chop OF YOUR LIFE.














19. Stop to take pictures of the beauty that is Iowa. Windmills towering over corn and shimmery soybeans. Who knew corn and soybeans could be so beautiful? Know that the pictures will not do justice to this amazing moment you have biking across your state. Pity the drafters speeding by, missing everything.














20. Enjoy the glory of finding the only 2 Fat Tires in town, after doing whatever it takes to acquire them.














21. Find a nice, clean bathroom.















Part 3 coming soon to a blog near you.....